“For me, hell is real; I suffered hell alive,” said Ma Naw, the Karen, with pale eyes staring away.
Ma Naw has a son and a daughter. It’s been almost two years since she came to Maesot from Myanmar to escape the war. Her husband, who was prone to bad blood from the beginning, could not rationally deal with the daily life of Maesot, with the difficulties of finding a job to make ends meet and finding a way out, so he blamed the family and made occasional problems, which gradually worsened.
He not only exaggerated small problems but also criticized and cursed the family every night – until the middle of the night. After that, step by step, the insults became more and more violent. The worst situation was that Ma Naw’s daughter from her previous marriage was getting to be the main target.
Finally, he found fault with her daughter’s schooling and burned the textbooks. He also said that he asked her daughter to leave the house and sent her somewhere far away. Ma Naw couldn’t bear what he said, and so when she responded, “Why are you talking to me like that? Who do you dare rely on?” and he beat me. In addition, when she didn’t respond, he said, “You don’t care about me?” and started looking for trouble again.
When Ma Naw couldn’t take it anymore, she took her daughter’s hand and left the house. However, he followed Ma Naw everywhere she went, shouting loudly and humiliating her again. He screamed drunkenly and cursed Ma Naw like someone with permission to riot. Ma Naw couldn’t take it anymore, so she reacted against him. Not only was her hair pulled out of her head, but her neck was also squeezed tightly. Ma Naw almost collapsed, both mentally and physically, and then went to the hospital.
She had to endure him because she lived illegally in another country with her children. And she felt much shame in the environment. In the end, Ma Naw, who couldn’t stand it any longer, broke through the bond of husband-wife and confronted him straight on, saying that she would declare going to the end. Just that time, he stopped.
“Those days are the days that I will never forget in my life and never want to go back to. Only the people who have experienced such things will know. I had to go through each day with misery, anxiety, and insecurity,” said Ma Naw, whose face has aged beyond her age.
Not only Ma Naw’s case, but the cases of domestic violence throughout Myanmar increased after the coup in 2021. Domestic violence can occur at any time, anywhere, urban or rural, said (Daw) Su Hlaing Tun, Co-Secretary of the Burma Lawyer’s Council.
Su Hlaing Tun is one of the people who mainly deals with violence against women and children, domestic violence, and gender-based violence.
Some of those who participated in the Spring Revolution were unable to properly deal with the sudden changes in their lives, livelihood difficulties, and uncertainty of the future, and it was found that they sought relief through domestic violence.
Domestic violence includes psychological violence, sexual violence, physical violence, etc. Su Hlaing Tun said that it is a problem when someone violates someone’s value, and if they are satisfied by beating him or her, then this is a type of violence that must not exist in society.
“Some cases of domestic violence have almost lost lives and have been killed. In one case, the husband threw scissors at the wife. It stuck to her chest, and she almost died. She went to the hospital (Maesot Hospital) because she couldn’t get treatment from the Metao clinic. The surgery rate was 50/50 percent. In this case, the husband turned to crime rather than domestic violence,” she said.
(Ma) Zin Mar, a single mother with two sons from Taung Oakkalar Township, Yangon, had also been a victim of domestic violence for about eight years. The violence against Ma Zin Mar was sexual violence. Her husband was not only unable to earn a single penny in business, but he stole all the money that Mazimma earned in various ways. At night, he often went to KTV and got drunk, and when he returned home, she was forced to have sex.
“The worst thing was that he forced me to have sex every night. If I didn’t accept it, he started beating me. During those times, I felt like a prostitute. I had to face helpless nights almost every day. I endured it because of my children, but I couldn’t bear it anymore. I ran away from him and wandered and hid in places he might not know. I struggled with difficulties for a long time,” Zin Mar said about her bad past.
Higher Grade Pleader (Daw) Khin Sandar said that Zin Mar’s case is a legal actionable matter and should not remain silent or hide. She said that hiding gives the perpetrator more opportunities.
“There are people who will help, so don’t be quiet like this. You need to be brave, and if you don’t speak up, others won’t know. So don’t be afraid; if you don’t tell, no one will know. If they don’t know, they won’t be able to help,” Khin Sandar said.
Women who are victims of domestic violence are ashamed. They are afraid that people will know that they have been abused. They always feel small. Even their family members feel small that people will know about it, and they suffer psychologically. Because they do not disclose it to the public, no one knows. So, no one knows, and they do not have legal protection or anything else.
“This side,Mae Sot, is worse. Most of them don’t have documents (legal residence status),” said Su Hlaing Tun.
Su Hlaing Tun added that most women who are victims of domestic violence think that there is no one to help them and that they think that domestic violence is only a family matter and not related to the environment, which is a way of blocking them from reaching a proper solution.
In addition, most domestic violence victims do not want to face the law directly because their husbands are their partners and fathers of children. Running away, like Zin Mar, continues to encourage domestic violence.
Domestic violence occurs anywhere, regardless of race or religion, but records show that it is louder in urban areas. However, it is not because it is less common in rural areas. It is because rural women accept domestic violence as something they should not speak out about, said a women’s rights activist.
“Therefore, we have to say that religious traditions and orthodoxy encourage more domestic violence. In urban areas, knowledge and eyes are more open, and the voice is louder because there is accessible help,” she said.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in three women worldwide experiences physical violence, sexual violence, or psychological violence, indicating that violence against women is at an alarming level.
Some experts estimate that domestic violence in Myanmar may have increased due to the general stress after the 2021 coup, but it is impossible to get exact statistics under the guns of the military mad.
She added that another important cause of domestic violence in both urban and rural areas is men’s perception of being the head of the household and abuse of power as the head of the household.
Whether working (for earning) or not, being the head of the family means that all family members must bow down and pay respect, and being a husband and father is automatically worshiped according to traditional provisions. Regardless, the head of the family’s grasp of the power of being the head of the family is an important motive for domestic violence.
“Economic difficulties are the reasons under this head. All in all, it is the abuse of this power. Mainly, I see that traditional matters are what encourage these things to happen,” said a women’s rights activist.
In addition, violence against women is common not only in married life but also in dating life, said (Ma) Thae Su, a Maesot-based women’s issues and political activist.
“When I was a teenager, I dated with a man. He cursed me for being late when I picked up his call. If he was not satisfied with something, he pressed my hands with a lit cigarette. He strangled me. If I was late for an appointment, he dragged me to a private place without saying a word and repeatedly slapped my face. I was still young at the time. So, I couldn’t say anything back; I couldn’t do anything,” Thae Su recounted the painful past.
Some victims of domestic violence in Maesot have surely not received true information due to many limitations. If they complain that it costs money, they think that no one can help illegal residents.
However, there have been more than 20 cases of domestic violence among people living along the Thai border from December 2023 to February 2024, according to the Burma Lawyer’s Council, and this March (2024) has increased to 30 cases. It is also reported that most of these complaints are from political refugees.
According to this record, it can be said that domestic violence is gradually increasing along the border, and it can also be concluded that there are more complaints. If domestic violence cases need to be prosecuted legally, they do it, and they also provide free mental health assistance for domestic violence victims, the Burma Lawyer’s Council said.
(Daw) Cho Mar Htwe, a counselor at AAPP (Assistance Association for Political Prisoners—Burma), said, “Services are based on the will of the victim. The main thing is that the victim feels stifled. There is no clear answer. If the victim wants to get out of this life, try counseling first for mental preparation. You can consult with us confidentially.”
Su Hlaing Tun said that there is no need to be ashamed or silent about being subjected to domestic violence. It is essential to boldly report to the relevant organizations. It is also important for women to be able to work and earn their own income to prevent domestic violence.
“If it is a case of violence, rather than taking action against the husband, it is important to empower this woman—to be able to stand up for herself in her life, to be able to decide freely, to be able to face it bravely, and to get out on her own,” she continued.